Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Not!
by Horse Luvar
Summary: The Elves of Rivendell and Mirkwood have never known hot chocolate, marshmallows, candycanes or Carmel corn. What happens when they get their first addictive taste? Legolas POV for the first chapter. Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

**Amarthiel of Dor-lomin**** gave me the ingenious idea to write a better story. So here you go my dear! And my mom is oh so proud! LOL Thanks for the inspiration! **

**Title: **Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years! (Middle Earth style!)

**By: **Horseluvar

**Summary: **The Elves of Rivendell and Mirkwood have never known chocolate, marshmallows, candycanes or Carmel corn. What happens when they get their first addictive taste? Legolas POV for the first chapter.

**Rated: **PG

**Genre: **a parody of course! What else?

**A/N: **This is a fresh start and a new look at writing. I love pardoies and my friends and I decided to write a Christmasy one since tis the season! LOL If you don't like it, you don't have to flame me! Duh! Just don't read it. But if you like it, please drop in a review and let me know. I would love to hear from you as this is my first lengthy story and I want to now how I am doing. Reviews are very helpful and loved. Thank you so much.

**Disclaimer: **Anything that has to do with Lord of the Rings is not mine! Please do not sue me! LOL Too bad, see that disclamier? It means you can't!

**Please enjoy!**

CHAPTER ONE

_Hot Cocoa! Yummy! _

I was a small Elfling and I had just gotten back from sledding with the twin Sons of Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir, who thought it would be fun to make me hit trees. Then I found out that you aren't supposed to slide on hills with trees.

But I digress. (I will do this quite often, no worries)

So, as I was saying. They brought me back to the last Homely house and were picking on me because I flipped over a log at some point. Funny, all I have from that experience is a throbbing headache and no recollection that unfortunate event.

In any case, being kid I was and the teens they are, we felt the need for a sugary something. Not just anything. It was the Winter Solstice. That is a big celebration where I come from! So then we decided we needed something special and preferably with caffeine so we could stay up all night and play pranks. Well, they would play them on me. But it was all in the name of fun. What else?

Well the Elves that traded with people in villages had just recently returned. Lucky for them the twins were busy torturing me with their snowballs. It was an unfair trade in my opinion, but when you are smaller than two twins who have a reputation for cruelty you learn to keep your mouth shut until they tell you to open it.

I don't know why my father thought coming here was a good idea for the Winter Solstice. I guess he misses mother. But hey, so do I1 But I am not that desperate! He must being going insane (he admitted it once, but he said it was my fault).

But anyhow, as we went in the boxes were still there on the floor and unopened as of yet.

If you know the twins the way I do, you know this didn't last more than a few semi seconds. They have a thing for snooping into mysterious boxes. Go figure.

So soon there was the sound of boxes popping open and were we in for a surprise.

There was tins of brown stuff. Powdery kind of and an aroma sweeter than that of Athelas filled the air. Well that was nice I can tell you.

I smiled like an idiot until I felt a strong punch in my shoulder and looked with wide blue eyes into Elrohir's narrowed silver ones. "If you tell ada, your are lunch-meat for a friend of mine out in the woods! Got it princeling?"

No problem. I had it.

I watched them loot the boxes of the weird substance. I have to admit, I actually was not too willing to nark on them. And it had nothing to do with the fact that they were older than myself.

Perhaps I could get some.

Nope. Not me.

They never bothered to read the instructions. I am not sure why they are that stupid when they can pull of stunts that take a lot of planning, but they were.

They began to stuff the brown powder into they're mouths. I leaned against the wall and stared down at a packet to read the instructions. My father had taught me to read at an early age, so it was not difficult.

_INSTRUCTIONS:_

_Place in a cup of boiling water and stir until fine, then drink. _

That was a far cry from what they were doing. I made a horrible mistake.

I smirked.

Never smirk.

It is a frightening experience.

Not to mention threatening to one's health.

"So what does it say wise guy?" asked Elladan, peering over my shoulder.

I made another mistake.

I lied.

"You were doing exactly what it says!" I grinned.

"You remember my friend out in the woods?" asked Elrohir with his hands balling into fists and his eyes looking pointedly at my face.

"You were wrong."

"So? Read!" he shoved another packet into my hands and read the instructions. They were not pleased.

"How can we make that without getting into hot water ourselves."

Nice pun Elladan. Boring…..

"We need someone to do it for us…."

"most certainly….."

"indefinitely."

Guess who they chose…..

"Go and make some. Then call us and if we like you, we might let you have some, Elfling brat!"

"You're an Elfling too!" I squeaked.

"Get to the kitchen Squeaker!"

Squeaker? What an insult!

Morons.

But I went. When you have two muscular twins breathing down your neck threatening life and limb, you do things like that.

They shoved me into the kitchen and before they locked the door they threatened, "scream and you will be the one going into the boiling water. Get the idea?"

I got the idea.

So I did the only logical thing. I found the water bucket and drew water out. A simple task. Except for the fact I was short, weak and had long hair.

You can guess the rest.

Eventually I had it boiling over the fire. That and I was searching for bandages to sooth a few burns here and there. Nothing serious, but enough to make me question my own sanity.

Do you ever do things like that?

After finding nothing for my injuries, I sighed and looked at the hot cocoa. So soft looking with steam curling form the top and a creamy like texture to it. It was the most beautiful sight of my life and I drew a deep breath.

Brining the picture from the package away from my eyes and seeing the mess of boiling water and dusty power filtering through the air I plead to the heavens, "WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT!"

Just as I thought. They were silent. What had I done to deserve this? I had to make a mental note to find out and never do it again.

Desperately I tried to salvage the remains.

One meager packet and exactly one cup of boiling water. Phew, just enough.

That meant none for me, but I was escaping with my life and all legs and arms so that was fine.

I had it all made. It looked a little bit less perfect than the picture, but I didn't care. If I was lucky Dan and Ro or Dan**_a _**and Ro**_dana_** as I liked to call them when they were out of ear shot, would give me a minutes rest.

Fate was cruel.

They knew somehow. Like wargs smell weak blood.

I had no chance before they banged through the door and demanded to see my handy work.

I showed it to them with a grin.

Scowling, they asked, "so did you poison us?"

Oh yeah, that was at the front of my mind, I thought sarcastically.

I guess form my eye roll they guessed the answer I was about to say and commanded. "Drink it then!"

"Me?"

"Do you see any other blonde little Elfling dork losers?"

Good point.

So I took a sip. It was the best thing in the world. Rich, creamy, sweet beyond imagination and warm. As it slid down my throat I sighed. Then I let out a scream. I felt a fiery pain on my tongue.

I had burned it in my eagerness.

Damn them!

Their laughter was cruel, annoying and it totally peed me off.

They must have thought the stuff was horrible. But nonetheless they took and the mug and downed the substance. Fighting amongst themselves.

My next move was to make an escape attempt.

_**TBC………….So what do you think**_? _**Review please! Pretty please w/ a cherry and whipped topping on top? LOL**_

_**Signing out. **_

_**Horseluvar **_


	2. Cnadycanes! Sticky!

**For full disclaimer plus rambling please see chapter one. **

**Sorry this chapter was so late. I had no time and so, well, here it is nearly a season late! LOL**

**Please enjoy and review. However, I do request that there be no flames, please. Thank you much for the last reviews. **

_**CHAPTER TWO**_

_Candycanes! Sticky! _

Well, I was trapped. After all, being as small as I was I couldn't easily fight two strong, bold and obnoxious twins all by my lonesome. Nomatter how stupid they were (in my opinion) they were tought and quick in a fight, not to mention very tall. They certianly didn't take after their father, who was as peaceful an Elf I thought (and still think) you would find.

But they were giving me a brutal glare and I just looked around, not knowing what to do. But then something cought my eye, red with stripes. You just don't see things like that in forest, you know. You I guess I was a bit uneducated on the fruits of a city.

They were hooked shaped and lay in a basket on the kitchen counter. Elladan grolwed, "whats so interesting, wimp?" He exchanged a glance with Elrohir and both cast and concentrated their scathing glares on me.

Ode to joy, I thought sarcastically.

Then I made a fatal mistake, or at least, it nearly was.

I giggled.

It was unavoidable really, but Elladan and Elrohir were hardly amused and they let me know it in no uncertain terms. A bit frightening, when you think about.

I suddenly found my self flying and remembered that even if the circumstances had not been what they were I still would not have wished to learn how to soar. But I really had no choice right now. So I landed on the other side of the room, slamming my back against the counter and a only had time to look up and see the basket of…striped things…falling down upon me. Wincing in anticipation of the blow, I still jolted as it all fell on my head.

If this was the side effect of drinking that wonderful tasing hot chocolate then I didn't want anymore, unless Elrohirand Elladan were not around. Anyways, it did burn and blister the roof of my mouth, what good thing does that?

Elrohir started laughing and smacking his brother in the shoulder in his explosion of hysterias. He looked at me and I stared angrily at him through the hole in the basket. "Princling, do you even know what those are?" he jeered, much to my annoyance. I turned up my nose and tried to look above him but it only made it look like I was looking for a source of light in the basket. Which I was and am not that stupid.

"Well obviously not, so I shall have to educate you," he gave me no time to answer. Which was good, because I had no intention of talking to either of them. He continued, "Besides being the best food on this side of the Misty Mountains, they have some very interesting and hilarious effect when they are made wet. They are called…candycanes."

Suddenly I didn't like the turn this conversation was taking and feared some unknown and horrible torture at the hands of my abductors. If I would have been younger, I might have screamed "Ada!" Actaully, I know I would have.

I heard water sloshing and suddenly popped the basket off and made a dash for the door. But I was garbbed by Elladan, his hadns on my neck, pulling me back. And I resisted the strong urge to cry out as he twisted my arms behind my back and ruthlessly pulled me over. I tried to look defaint but in the face of danger there is just one thing to do….

"ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA!ADA! ADA! ADA! AD-" Elladan placed a hand over my mouth and squeezed.

So then panic set in followed by the initial response of most yougsters.

I champed down on his suppressing hand.

He screamed and as I look up, I promise you, I saw his face turn several colors all in about three seconds. Amazing really. White, grey, purple, red, green, red, and white again.

I would have laughed, but I didn't want to learn to fly again.

"ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA! ADA!" I screamed bloody murder, and actually began to feel my throat getting a little sore. These stuppid oafs would pay, dearly. I just needed the proper plan.

Elrohir came and dumped the water bucket onto me, and I felt my voice squeeze off as I spluttered. Their laughter was more than annoying now. It was horribly aggravating.

Realizing their plans, I struggled like mad, but only got threatened with death and other things that are intimidating and potenially dangerous to one's hea;th and in this case it was double the trouble.

Lucky me.

I would never come back here.

Never, never, never, never, never, never….

Closing my eyes was another stupid mistake because I realized too late that they were loading my hair with sticky…canycanes? Yes, that was what they called them.

Well the weren't sticky until they came in contact with my beautiful, long, gorgeous blonde hair that my mommy had worked so hard to keep soft. Now it was goopy! It had candycane stickiness all over in it and I wanted to cry.

I felt them pulling my hair, breaking off my hair, ruining my precious hair.

Okay, I really was not that dramtic about it but it did make me very unhappy.

So now I was drenched, sticky, high off caffiene and in the clutches of the cruelest bullies ever.

To be continued…… 

**Poor Legolas, the dear litle thing. Mean twins, bad, bad, BAD! **


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